I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize