I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
