Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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