It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
