a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
barbara walters just said penis...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
