Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
