My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
