I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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