apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
