she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
