Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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