Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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