The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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