I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
