I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
