On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
