nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
