We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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