You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
