Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
