Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize