she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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