Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
