She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
