I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
