the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
