update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
