it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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