im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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