we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When are your genitals available?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
