i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
