I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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