med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
