Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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