I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
