direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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