just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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