turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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