I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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