my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
