Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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