Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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