I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The adults are the big ones right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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