this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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