Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
