I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
