We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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