So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
