If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Rumble strips road head = magical
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
