my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
