There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mom said you looked used
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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