he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize