I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize