Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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