Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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