hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
