All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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