The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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