there's paper in my vomit.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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