you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
