You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I could teleport
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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