I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
