every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
