nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
