I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
