Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize