I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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