the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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