Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
