Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
