fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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