So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sext me about skeletons
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
