He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
