apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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