kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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