A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
