I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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