i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
