it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
