My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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